Match Review: Gaelic Lions FC vs Hibernians FC

• DF Liam McGinley
• MD Sam Balls
• -- Anders Jensen
• -- John Mescall
• -- Ryan McEneaney
• -- Brett Bowman
• -- Brian O'Reilly
• -- Neil Corrigan
• -- Rob Church
• -- Simon Lloyd
• -- Kike Perconig

• -- Mark Hanley
• -- Steve McMahon
• -- Ciaran McGoldrick

We didn't start the fire

First of all, I think it should be stated quite categorically that the Gaelic Lions would piss on Hibs if they were on fire. Let's just get that out, straight off the bat. We would not hesitate to hose down the flaming Hibs with our elite assortment of inorganic salts and organic compounds, proteins, hormones and of course our wide range of metabolites, none of which is remotely flammable making it an ideal blend of fire extinguishing goodness. The fact that Ali Roseburgh would not do that, I would just like to state, that I find a damned scandal and one in particular that he should be hauled in front of the review panel for to be rightly interrogated about and banned from his impending match on the 13th May at 5pm Turf City Pitch 1. And not a minute too soon. The Lions lined up against Zee Hibs on Saturday with a decent squad of 14, including me, so the chances of a Hibs victory were slim to say the least, at least that's what we thought! Hah hah!! CLASSIC. We thought it was Mescall's last game for the club before he goes off to join ISIS but apparently he is around for the next couple of weeks so we can expect to ship more pish goals over the next couple of games! Hah!!!! Sometimes the jokes just write themselves! It wasn't all Mescall to be fair, it was also Churchie but we don't play the blame game around here as we have read many books on managing performance and that would be suicidal for the morale of the team if we were to truly pinpoint just how shite we were! Dan Martin is some man to be fair, he had two chances to ride two birds in the pub afterwards and he did not need to be asked twice. He put them both away like a boss. He is CLINICAL and if you give chances away and you are playing against Hibs then you are going to concede. In between Dan's two goals however was an absolute shellacking header by Brett, after a great bit of build-up play down the left between Ballsy and Kike the Spanish WonderLoin whose pinpoint cross was put away with some aplomb by the big * racist South African. We finished the game with 10 men when Lloydolyoloydoly lost his marbles and Hibs scored another goal and I was crying. Man of the match for us goes to Lolydloyoldoyloy who was great before losing his marbles and for Hibs was the bould Dan. Friday night lights and a must win game against the Casuals. Eek. * He's not racist

• Nick Edwards DF
• Jamie Barnes DF
• Joe Poulton DF
• Daniel Martin ST
• An-Rui Chiew --
• Thorin Duffin --
• Peter Talbot --
• Alexander Danielson --
• Rupert Roberts --
• Billie Mesina --
• Shazri Sofi --

• Andrew Talbot --
• Andy Clark --

Not a girl, Not yet a woman

Andrew went on all week about how he couldn’t play football on Saturday because he’d climbed a hill and his legs were sore. Then videos turned up of him doing slut drops on Saturday night dressed as Britney Spears - the schoolgirl version, with heels. The rest of us put in a solid shift on the pitch. We came away with three points against a Gaelic side that probably edged it on the balance of play but couldn’t find the finishes. Andy Talbot has finally made a positive contribution to the Hibs by introducing his little brother to the club. Peter’s hattrick of assists made him, in one game, our top assister of the season and put him three ahead of what Andy has managed over eight seasons. He slotted his first through to Dan to give us a half time lead. Gaelic quickly struck back after the break with a beast of a header from Brett. There wasn’t much we could have been done about it. The cross from the left was perfect and the header was right in the top corner. From that point on it was Gaelic that applied most of the pressure, but we were kept in it by some solid defending, tidy keeping and a little bit of wastefulness from the Gaelic. The one that hit the post might have buried us. We ended up catching them on the break twice. Dan lobbed the first one over the keeper after Peter had chipped it through him. Then Peter found Clarkeypoos with another chip over the top. It was awkward one for Clarkeypoos, but he pulled off a right-footed top spin lob to make the last ten minutes a lot more comfortable than they would have been. MoM was Peter, but we also love Clarkeypoos for doing just what we needed in his 15 minutes. Thanks to Gaelic for a tough, enjoyable game and the invite for post-match beers. We also owe a big thank you to the Germans for swapping kits with us and saving us from a kit clash that was entirely my fault. And sorry those Hibs shirts didn't work out for you. I don't want to have a go at the whole Hostpurs team because from what I'm told it was just Ali Roseburgh who wouldn't swap with us. I know he's had some bad times in the Hibs shirt but it's still sad to learn that he probably wouldn't p*ss on us if we were on fire.